Twas the month before Christmas and for pandemic reasons,
The queers were all watching The Happiest Season*;
Lockdown lovers were nestled in holiday sweaters,
While LDR couples penned quarantine letters
Parents were crying, “My home is too small!”
And lesbians re-thinking their premature U-haul.
But Kyla in her antlers, and I in my Santa hat,
Had just settled down for a long processing chat.
When out from the internet there arose such a clatter,
That we jumped on our phones to see what was the matter.
“The pandemic’s a hoax”, anti-maskers were crying,
“You can make rules, but we’re not complying!”
My brain started racing, my heart started pounding,
The lack of critical thinking was astounding!
But then I considered, there must be more to this,
Than my now almost constant desire to “boo hiss”.
With substantial effort, I shifted my frame,
And more rapid than eagles the happy thoughts came!
This year wasn’t just full of sadness and rage,
We said bye to the cheeto; welcomed Elliot Page!
The borders are closed and cases still rising,
But the number of house plants we have now is surprising!
Sure, it’s not been the happiest ride,
But we travelled the world for virtual Pride.
And we most definitely have to say Danke,
To the fabulous drag gods who brought us Priyanka.
More time to watch shows was undeniably swell,
We can’t get enough of Eve & her Villanelle.
(All that said, Gen Q Season 1 is old news:
We’re dying to find out who Sophie will choose!)
There may not be family to go fa la la la with,
But hey, it’s another good chance to go bra-less!
We probs won’t be gathering in the same room,
But – say it with me – thank goodness for Zoom!
Ignoring my phone, I looked out to the street,
Where eight reindeer stood safely apart at 6 feet;
As I looked up the chimney I thought “damn I’m in trouble,”
I made the nice list but Santa’s not in my bubble!
Santa Claus kindly maintained a safe distance,
While he cried out, in lively resistance:
“On doctors! On science! On vaccines for all!
Flatten those curves! Stay healthy y’all!
End systemic racism! Defund the police!
Let’s work together to see white supremacy cease!”
Prancer cut in: “Sorry to interrupt you, Woke Santa,
But I’m not used to being blinded by snow in Atlanta.
So, as dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Let’s also address climate change and say “hurricanes: byeee?”
“Good call,” Santa said, “I’ll add that to my list!
But for now we’ll head out, so we can see all the kids.”
And away they all flew, on their emission-free sled,
To visit the children, still snug in their beds.
Now whether you’re donning your best rainbow mask,
Or drowning your sorrows in a holiday flask,
I should probably end these low quality rhymes,
So I wish you the best in strange holiday times.
As Bonnie says, stay safe, calm, and kind,
So long 2020, let’s leave this behind!
We’ve made the best of this year and though some times were fun,
Merry Whatever, BRING ON 2021!
*(Who knew that a rom com would be so controversial?
At least it’s a step up from a banned Hallmark commercial!)