Note: this story takes place on First Nations traditional territory. It’s a fun one about a recent overnight trip, written in response to the prompt: “How did I end up here?”
“What should I name my pee-zee?”
We were a group of mostly lesbians, gathered around a campfire at our campsite on Vancouver Island’s southwest coast. My friend was obsessed with her new toy: a device that allowed her to pee standing up. Every so often she’d gleefully shout: “Be right back!”, and frolic off into the woods. We were excited about it too; a little jealous, even. We were also a little buzzed. Naming it only seemed natural.
‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through Korea
People were freezing, due to winds from Siberia;
The passports were placed by the front door with care,
In hopes that Leslie Teacher soon would not be there;
The children were sniffling and picking their noses,
I even had one kid throw up on his clothe-es!
And me in my jacket, scarf, boots, mitts and cap,
Thought: “It’s definitely colder than home now, what crap!”
But decorations are up, I have holiday cheer!
(And I wouldn’t turn down a good holiday beer.)
I have a small tree, and some half-working lights,
And a plan for avoiding a cold Christmas night;
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Like Dasher and Dancer, I’ll mount to the sky!
I will sure miss seeing you all, that is true,
But I will be travelling (’cause that’s what I do!)
That’s right, while you’re trudging through snow that’s knee deep,
I’ll be indulging in a massage in Siem Reap! (Sorry!)
Now I may not be getting a new Christmas toy,
But I’ll be saying “Happy New Year” from Hanoi!
The whole time I’ll be thinking of family (and food),
Of gingerbread, injera, the holiday mood;
Guitar songs, board games, Secret Santa, and more,
That special warmth you can’t get from a store. (Thanks, Grinch.)
Now perhaps I will see all of you soon on Skype,
But in case there are technical difficulties, I’ll type:
Though I’m not there person (which just isn’t right!),
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
*Last year was the third time I was away from home at Christmas. (I spent it in Siem Reap… I know, I know. Life is rough.) I was feeling inspired on a lunch break, and sent this out to my relatives.